Some people feel invisible. Others feel instrumental—only seen when someone needs something. This belief forms when connection feels conditional on what you give.
It sounds like:
- “People only come to me when they need something.”
- “No one checks in—unless they want a favour.”
- “If I stop being helpful, I’ll be forgotten.”
- “I feel taken for granted.”
- “I give more than I get.”
This belief isn’t just resentment. It’s survival patterning—where usefulness became a requirement for inclusion.
What It Sounds Like Internally:
You might not say it out loud. But it echoes every time you show up for others and no one shows up for you.
- “I should offer—if I don’t, no one will.”
- “They’re counting on me.”
- “It’s not worth asking for help.”
- “I don’t want to seem selfish.”
- “I’m tired of always being the strong one.”
Where It Shows Up:
This belief hides behind generosity—but runs on depletion.
- Giving support without receiving it back
- Feeling like a tool or task-handler in relationships
- Avoiding asking for help because you fear being a burden
- Resentment masked by politeness or performance
- Relationships that collapse when you stop overfunctioning
Often develops in:
- Codependent or one-sided relationships
- Parentified or caregiver childhood roles
- Environments that rewarded usefulness over authenticity
- Service-based work where boundaries blur
What It Can Lead To:
When you’re only valued for what you do, it’s hard to believe you matter for who you are.
- Chronic burnout and emotional fatigue
- Suppressed anger or passive-aggressive reactions
- Cynicism or distrust in relationships
- Difficulty receiving love or care without guilt
- Loss of identity outside of being useful
Want to Dive Deeper into the “I Am Being Used” Pattern?
Explore how this belief forms, how it traps you in transactional connection, and how we rewire the loop that confuses self-worth with self-sacrifice.
Emotional Triggers:
- Being asked for something without check-in
- One-sided conversations
- Watching others receive care you don’t get
- Being excluded when you’re not helping
- Feeling invisible after giving so much
Related Beliefs:
- I don’t matter
- I’m not allowed to have needs
- I’m only valuable if I help
- People take advantage of me
What Therapy Targets:
We don’t just teach you how to say no. We rewire the nervous system’s reflex to equate giving with being safe. Through Identity-Level Therapy and Pattern Reconditioning, we help you reclaim connection that’s not conditional on usefulness.
Clients often say:
“People finally see me—not just what I do for them.”
👉 Explore the Therapy Approach →
👉 See the Full Pattern Breakdown →
Related Resources:
- Belief Expression: I Give Too Much and Get Nothing Back →
- Pattern Reconditioning →
- Self-Esteem Therapy Edmonton →
- Couples Therapy →
