When a core belief feels too painful to confront directly, the brain creates a workaround.
That workaround is what we call a Dysfunctional Need™ — a way to stay away from the emotional sting of the belief, while still operating under its rules.
At ShiftGrit, identifying a client’s Dysfunctional Needs™ is a major step in mapping the pressure loop that fuels emotional reactivity, burnout, and behaviour cycles.
What Are Dysfunctional Needs™?
A Dysfunctional Need™ is a protective demand your system makes to avoid triggering a limiting belief.
It’s not “irrational” — it’s strategic.
Examples:
- “I need to be perfect so I’m not rejected” (I Am Unacceptable, I Am Not Good Enough)
- “I need to be needed to feel worthy” (I Don’t Matter, I Am Insignificant)
- “I need to succeed or I’ll be nothing” (I Am a Failure, I Am Nothing)
- “I need to anticipate everyone’s needs to stay safe” (I Am At Risk, Bad Things Are Going To Happen)
- “I need to hide my flaws to be loved” (I Am Flawed, I Am Shameful)
These needs aren’t always visible — but they shape how people work, parent, relate, perform, and cope.
The Pressure Cooker
Dysfunctional Needs™ keep clients in a chronic emotional squeeze:
- If they meet the need → it’s exhausting.
- If they fail to meet it → they get emotionally slammed by the underlying belief.
That’s why these needs often lead to:
- Burnout
- Anxiety
- Self-sabotage
- People-pleasing
- Emotional suppression
- Identity conflict
Eventually, something gives — and the person “opts out” through numbing, withdrawal, anger, or impulsivity.
What We Do at ShiftGrit
We don’t treat the Dysfunctional Need™ directly — we follow it like a breadcrumb trail.
Our process:
- Identify the client’s Dysfunctional Need™
- Trace it to the underlying Limiting Belief (e.g., “I Am Powerless”, “I Am Not In Control”)
- Recondition that belief at the emotional level
- Watch the need lose its charge — naturally
When the belief dissolves, the need it created stops running the show.
From the Blog: Limiting Belief Patterns
Example:
Dysfunctional Need™: “I need to be in control at all times”
Traced Belief: I Am Unsafe (I Am In Danger, I Am Vulnerable, I Am Not In Control)
Outcome: After reprocessing, the client begins delegating, relaxing, and responding with flexibility instead of fear.
Want to stop serving a pattern that was only built to protect you?
→ Explore how Identity Patterns Therapy works
→ Browse the Pattern Library