“I Am Not in Control” — A Core Limiting Belief

This belief doesn’t just show up in moments of chaos — it colours everything with the fear that someone else is pulling the strings.

“I Am Not In Control” often forms when boundaries were blurred growing up, or when emotional enmeshment made it hard to separate your wants from others’ expectations. The result? A nervous system wired to either submit or resist — but rarely choose freely.

What It Sounds Like Internally:

• “I don’t even know what I want.”
• “It doesn’t matter what I choose — it never works out.”
• “I feel trapped but guilty for wanting out.”

Where It Shows Up:

• Struggling to set or maintain boundaries
• Feeling consumed by others’ emotions or expectations
• Going along with decisions to avoid conflict
• Oscillating between people-pleasing and reactive rebellion

What It Can Lead To:

Unchecked, this belief often evolves into:

• “If I take control, something will go wrong.”
• “If I assert myself, I’ll hurt someone.”
• “My choices don’t matter.”

What Therapy Targets:

We don’t teach you to take control — we help your nervous system feel safe having it.

Using Pattern Reconditioning, therapy gently unwinds the enmeshment loop, rewires threat responses around autonomy, and helps you reclaim the power to choose — without fear or collapse.

👉 Explore the Therapy Approach →

👉 See the Full Pattern Breakdown →

ShiftGrit Glossary

Glossary

Belief Unpairing

Glossary

Reconditioning Protocol

Glossary

Opt-Out Behaviour — When the System Ejects to Escape the Loop

Glossary

The Pressure Cooker – When Coping Strategies Build Until You Break

Glossary

Pattern Loops — The Repeating Cycle That Reinforces Itself