This belief doesn’t just show up in moments of chaos — it colours everything with the fear that someone else is pulling the strings.
“I Am Not In Control” often forms when boundaries were blurred growing up, or when emotional enmeshment made it hard to separate your wants from others’ expectations. The result? A nervous system wired to either submit or resist — but rarely choose freely.
What It Sounds Like Internally:
- “I don’t even know what I want.”
- “It doesn’t matter what I choose — it never works out.”
- “I feel trapped but guilty for wanting out.”
Where It Shows Up:
- Struggling to set or maintain boundaries
- Feeling consumed by others’ emotions or expectations
- Going along with decisions to avoid conflict
- Oscillating between people-pleasing and reactive rebellion
What It Can Lead To:
Unchecked, this belief often evolves into:
- “If I take control, something will go wrong.”
- “If I assert myself, I’ll hurt someone.”
- “My choices don’t matter.”
Want to Dive Deeper into the “I Am Not in Control” Pattern?
Discover related beliefs, emotional triggers, and how therapy can help you recondition this deep-rooted belief for real change.
What Therapy Targets:
We don’t teach you to take control — we help your nervous system feel safe having it.
Using Pattern Reconditioning, therapy gently unwinds the enmeshment loop, rewires threat responses around autonomy, and helps you reclaim the power to choose — without fear or collapse.
👉 Explore the Therapy Approach →
👉 See the Full Pattern Breakdown →
