The Struggle With Social Anxiety

Social Anxiety Problems?

A lot of people don’t realize they struggle with social anxiety. Common internal monologues tend to go something like, “Did I talk too much?”, “Did I say that right?”, “Did I offend them?” We may even unconsciously notice people’s mannerisms or facial expressions and have negative thoughts. We may interpret these by thinking that we automatically did something stupid when really they could have been picking lettuce out of their teeth after lunch.


ShiftGrit Psychology & Counselling - social anxiety

We get into overthinking and incurring so much social anxiety, panic, and stress. This has the effect of disconnecting us from ourselves and others. One of the main limiting beliefs associated with this type of thinking is feeling incapable.

If only we could carry on this conversation or we would be interesting or they would think we were fun. What happens is we feel incapable and is causes us to withdraw and avoid the very social interaction that could allow us to eventually feel capable, diminishing our social skills. Learn about different types of anxiety here.

Another belief we can have is “I am vulnerable”. Feeling exposed and overthinking things is uncomfortable so we will often try to protect ourselves. Asking too many details about events or trying to manage situations to avoid interactions that will make us feel this way. At times simply feeling not good enough or mask our true feelings in an effort to control the way we think others will think of us.


At its core, CBT focuses on identifying and modifying thought patterns that lead to destructive behaviours and emotions.

the ShiftGrit Core Method represents an innovative combination of cognitive-behavioural therapy (CBT) and Reconditioning via Exposure & Integration (REI), often known as Reconditioning. It aims to effectively treat social anxiety by systematically reducing or eliminating limiting beliefs. The underlying principle of the protocol is that by changing our beliefs, we can fundamentally alter our thoughts, emotions, and behaviors, leading to improved mental health and well-being.

Someone with social anxiety might hold the belief that they are always being judged negatively by others. This thought pattern can lead to fear and avoidance of social situations. CBT helps to identify these patterns, challenge their accuracy, and develop healthier alternatives. By learning to reframe negative thoughts, individuals can begin to change their emotional responses to social situations.


Reconditioning, on the other hand, involves exposure to and integration of distressing experiences or beliefs.

The idea here is to confront and fully experience these distressing thoughts or emotions in a safe and controlled manner. Over time, through repeated exposure and processing, these distressing experiences lose their power and become less anxiety-provoking.


When combined, CBT and Reconditioning can offer a powerful means of addressing social anxiety.

the ShiftGrit Core Method may start with cognitive restructuring, a fundamental element of CBT. This helps individuals identify and challenge their distorted beliefs and thoughts. For example, a person may learn to replace the thought “everyone is judging me” with “I cannot control others’ thoughts, and their opinions do not define my worth.”

However, merely recognizing and attempting to change these cognitive distortions may not be sufficient for some individuals. Deeply ingrained beliefs may persist and continue to drive anxiety. This is where the integration of Reconditioning can be vital. Once an individual has identified and challenged their limiting beliefs using CBT techniques, they can then confront these beliefs through exposure exercises, under the guidance of a trained professional.


During exposure sessions, individuals are encouraged to imagine themselves in anxiety-provoking social situations.

They learn to tolerate the distress associated with these experiences, helping to reduce their anxiety over time. Simultaneously, they work on integrating new, healthier beliefs about themselves and their relationships with others.

For instance, if an individual believes they always appear awkward and uninteresting in social situations, they might imagine themselves in a scenario where they are engaging in a conversation with strangers. The individual is encouraged to stay with the distressing feelings and thoughts, while also integrating the healthier belief developed during the CBT stage.


Over time, repeated exposure and integration sessions can help individuals to replace their limiting beliefs with healthier ones.

This two-pronged approach helps to ensure that changes in thought patterns are not only intellectual but are also deeply felt and integrated into the person’s understanding of themselves and the world around them.

In summary, the ShiftGrit Core Method leverages the strengths of both CBT and Reconditioning to treat social anxiety. It provides a systematic and comprehensive approach to identify, challenge, and replace limiting beliefs, thus reducing social anxiety. It goes beyond mere symptom management, aiming for deeper cognitive and emotional change. However, as with any therapeutic approach, its effectiveness can vary between individuals, and it is important that treatment is tailored to meet each individual’s specific needs and circumstances.


Our Favourite Life Improvement Strategies List


Have a bowl of cut veggies out on the staff table.

Keeps the nibbling in healthy-land.


Watch less TV.

No other suggestion is more of a game changer than this one with our clients. It forces a higher level of boredom, which motivates us to find more enriching activities – like chatting with friends, learning something, or getting active. Oh, and that goes for all screens.


Hang out more with the people who make you feel great.

Our lives get happier when we feel connected, have fun and laugh. So go absorb the good vibes by busting through the busyness of life by making plans on the weekly. This way quality connect time doesn’t get pushed aside by life obligations.


Take a needs inventory.

Rarely do we stop to evaluate what we need, in the course of a week, to make us function optimally. For example, extroverts will need a certain amount of people time, introverts some satisfying alone time and ambiverts, a good combination of both. When life matches needs, we feel fulfilled.


Have more real conversations.

When we spend time having emotionally intimate conversations, we feel known. This feeling is a great preventer of anxiety, stress, and unhappiness. So, chat up some immunity!


ShiftGrit Psychology & Counselling - life improvement plan

Have more sex.

Whether with a partner, or solo, orgasms are beneficial. The oxytocin they release lowers the stress hormone, cortisol, which helps the immune system, improves mood, helps control weight and improves sleep. So, get on getting’ it on!


Crank the music.

Listening to music is an easy way to cram some happy – making benefits into your daily. It helps with motivation during exercise or boring tasks like cleaning. I mean, who hasn’t kitchen rock starred-out while unpacking the dishwasher? Okay, maybe just me – but it also helps reduce stress, elevate mood and improve cognitive performance. Whether it’s classical while studying, Beyonce while doing dishes or Tiesto on the spin bike, music is a life enhancer.


Follow a low information diet.

Today, we are inundated with news, social media updates; basically a global “what’s up” 24/7. But why? Taking in every bit of information clogs up your brain, removing energy from where it should be – on your life. Instead, view your mental energy as a finite resource. Divvy it up among areas that are in your sphere of control or influence. Can you or are you going to do anything about the flood 2 continents away? If not, use the space in your mind to effect change in an area you can – whether in volunteer hamper-packing or having a heart to heart with your kids. Free your mind from clutter and the idea that you have room to successfully care about it all.


Buy less stuff.

Instead of considering only the dollar amount of an item, consider the emotional, time and stress costs as well. That hot tub you want? How much anxiety will you have about the overspending, the chemical maintenance and if it is used enough? Not to mention the permits, moving it and all the logistics. If at the end of it it’s still worth it, go for it. But, at least it’s a well-informed decision.


Work it out.

I get that a lot of people think therapy is only for preventing crazy. But, I happen to know (through experience as a human being) that everyone has a little crazy. Rather than avoiding, wading through or being side tracked by your crap (which I know you know is there, by the way) why not get it dealt with? Dig into the eaves of your mental machine, and have one of our therapists clear it out. It gets everything flowing better, so you’re out of your own way.

Read more: Importance of work-life balance

To get started with your own life improvement plan, call ShiftGrit Psychology & Counselling today.


References:

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5866728/

https://journals.plos.org/ploscompbiol/article?id=10.1371/journal.pcbi.1009124

Life Improvement Strategies rather than blanket resolutions…

Why the wait?

If it’s worth doing, do it now (or yesterday even). How does it make sense to wait all year to make a change, and why? So you can cram in that last carton of ciggies, slam another few poutines, or yell at your kids for one more month? When put like this, we don’t even need to spell out the lack of logic.
Takeaway: If it means a lot to you, you’ll do it or start on it in the now.


They bolster your “shoulds” not your “celebrates.”

There’s nothing more disheartening than making a list of all the things you (or society) feels you are failing at and then throwing them into a self-esteem hood chipper of a resolution to “be better.” How about an “I’m awesome sauce now” inventory instead? Instead of get thinner thighs now, we look at celebrate the mobility of your body and all the healthful things you’ve done this year with it? Otherwise, we just end up collecting evidence to support our limiting beliefs about self, which messes with mood and motivation – the exact opposite of the point of New Years resolutions.

Takeaway: Celebrating your 2022 successes, instead of inventorying deficit areas will produce more motivation and happiness in 2023.


They’re generally, well, generic.

Get fit. Save more. Quit smoking. Yeah, yeah, we all like long walks on the beach too. Change in your life shouldn’t be pre-selected by the social rhetoric populating Facebook. It should be custom-fit to you and your needs. And, it should directly impact your life satisfaction. So, while more dollars in the account and less numbers on the scale are, generally lovely things, we have to be the bearers of bad news and point out the obvious… they don’t make for happier people. What does? Well, that depends on what your personal needs are. Samantha has a high sex drive, so getting her frisky on more often makes her feel happily sexilious. Aaron’s a pretty social guy, so more time with his buddies puts a spring in his step. Delia’s a little OCD, so that closet/desk/pantry reorganization she rocked out on Saturday expands her breath. Find the you and it needn’t be a New Year’s resolution – they’re just the injectors of happiness.

Takeaway: Custom fit your needs with life improvement behaviours for more frequent grins.


A year is tooooooo long.

If I asked you out for dinner twelve months from now, it would be ridiculous. We don’t even tend to plan vacations that far in advance. Why? We don’t know what we are going to be doing. It’s too long-range. It’s easier to take a big goal (like, get healthier) and slice it up into little bite-sized, action-oriented, immediate goals. Otherwise, it’s like chewing on a steak. So, get your metaphorical steak knife out and slice your big year-long resolution into digestible tidbits.

Takeaway: Shorter timelines and incremental goals are more effective.


It’s easier to add than to remove.

A lot of New Year’s resolutions end up being about not doing things. Don’t spend. Don’t eat five cookies. Don’t smoke. A more effective way to add happy-making goodness into your life is to introduce alternatives or addictions. Grab a coffee at inexpensive Tim’s vs. the local hipster brewhouse. Eat two fruits a day and don’t worry about counting cookies.

Takeaway: Find positives to throw in that make your day a little happier.


They don’t incorporate strategies.

The “how” is just as important as the “what”. If my New Year’s resolution is to drink more water, taking the thought train down the track a little further into “I will buy a 2L jug, and keep it filled on my desk” is going to produce better results.
Takeaway:
Instead of making blanket resolutions, find and apply life improvement strategies.

(AND… THE BIGGEST by far…)


They don’t consider why you weren’t doing it IN THE FIRST PLACE.

New Year’s resolutions are like surface-level insight; we may know what we need to do to correct a negative we may even a bit about “how” we got there (too many cupcakes!) but we often don’t know the “why”. The “why” is our underlying motive. The origin of our deficit behaviour or lifestyle choice. At Shift, we help regular people to find their common “whys”. So, instead of living in graveyards with skeletons of New Year’s resolutions, they walk into fulfilled, custom-built realities.


10 Tips for a Better Sex Life

At ShiftGrit, we know that sex isn’t just sex. It can mean romance, connectedness, biological need, love, communication of loyalty, desire, and so much more in its best incarnations. At its worst though, it can mean a violation of trust, vows, frustration, pressure, pain, or boredom. So, how do you apply tips for a better sex life?

Sex Therapy Isn’t Just About Sex

Nurture Your Connection by applying tips for a better sex life

Sex in a committed relationship is often an extension of emotional intimacy. “When we see couples who focus in on a poor sex life, without acknowledging that they don’t even have enjoyable conversations now, we know there’s a problem, says ShiftGrit’s founder, Andrea McTague. There are a couple of simple things people can do to increase connection and attraction, and consequently, produce a better sex life.

Most of these suggestions come out of the elements of the early stages of a relationship. Remember when you used to flirt, have hot and spontaneous sex, gaze longingly, and laugh lots? Let’s look back to that recipe for connection.


ShiftGrit Psychology & Counselling - tips for a better sex life

1. Make Time

Remember when life was simple and it was just the two of you and responsibility was minimal? Well, it may not be now, but falling in love and staying connected still takes time. Scheduling regular time to connect fully often needs to be deliberate. Get rid of screens, plan a dinner date, hold hands, go for a walk, sleep in, and chat – whatever.

2. Have Real Conversations

Too often we forget to continue to get to know our partner. People aren’t static they change and evolve. Part of what allows people to do it together is knowing where their person is at. When we date, we pepper each other with questions, learn lots and chat about all kinds of things – not just what’s for dinner and ‘what-not’. Ask questions. Be interested. Find out something new, talk about interesting things. It’s amazing how easy and fun it is to get back into it.

3. Make Eye Contact

Eye contact is implicated in attraction. Star-crossed lovers don’t gaze deeply into the television, after all. Look at your person. Deepen your connection and draw out your desire.

4. Touch

Remember the role of touching in those early days? Little, non-sexual touches are like the trailer for a movie – their purpose is to build suspense. And, suspense, build-up, and drama are key to a better sex life. It’s what the ‘every-Saturday-night-same-position-at-9:30 pm-‘ sex lacks.

5. Change Things Up

Not that your favourite movie, ham, and pineapple pizza, or sex position isn’t great, but new experiences are a satisfier. And I don’t mean just change up the sex stuff; if touch, eye contact, and conversation are all the initial ingredients for a great connection, it means they are also some of the ingredients for a hot ‘n steamy sexual connection.

6. Be Nice

Even more important than romantic gestures and roses, is that we have respectful exchanges. Criticism, bossing, distrust, ignoring and the like all erode connection. They don’t help us in the libido department at all. Instead, keep exchanges authentic and respectful. If you and your partner are having difficulty doing so, seek help either together or on your own. There’s no sense in forcing a connection when there’s a disruptor in the dynamic.

7. Take Care of Yourself

Whether it’s getting ready a la first date style or just making the “apple vs. fries” type of choice, putting continued effort into how we appear to our partner can have payoffs.  While it’s nice to be comfortable, it is sweet to consider what our partner likes, also. A favourite shirt, a lacy nightie, those cute yoga pants; the objective isn’t to objectify, but rather to demonstrate an element of consideration and knowledge.

8. Get Your Explore On

Taking the perspective that there are lots of exciting stuff to learn and try out keeps possibility focused. Learn what you like. Learn what your partner likes. Experiment. Maybe you find out that something’s not your thing – but that’s okay – you don’t have to like or try everything. Talking openly and in a fun way can keep things pressure-free and interesting. Flogger anyone?

9. Don’t Ignore Sexual Problems

Whether psychological or medical, concerns like erectile dysfunction, loss of libido, vaginal dryness or difficulty reaching an orgasm are treatable. Sex is fun! Don’t settle for mediocre sex life. Call in medical professionals or a sex therapist to help out if needed.

10. Lastly, even if you can’t hit up each of the nine previous suggestions, put this one into action: put a little effort in. Trying is always going to help because you can’t get a great sex life without working at it.


How Shift Can Help

These suggestions are all great! But sometimes you might need the help of a professional. There may be underlying issues that come from our limiting beliefs. Call ShiftGrit for help on a couple’s dynamic disruptors or sex-related concerns, we’re here for a change!


Young Adults: Stuck in Life

More and more we are witnessing prolonged childhood extending well into people’s 20’s. University students that stay during the course of their degree, into masters or secondary courses or into the early years of their careers. Or of the children who receive financial or emotional support to the detriment of individuality.

Workaholics? ‘office marriages’ on the rise in Edmonton & Calgary

Workaholics don’t have to ignore quality relationships as the stereotype may infer.

They know how you take your coffee, your favourite restaurant, maybe even your deepest, darkest secrets.

Your ‘work spouse’ is a co-worker with whom you share a special, personal bond but without any of that romantic spark.

So-called ‘office marriages’ may sound like little more than light-hearted fodder for around the water cooler. But it’s a term that’s becoming increasingly recognized by workplace researchers and psychologists.

“I think it’s that level of intimacy at work where you can come in and someone knows if you’ve had a good day or a bad day, and somebody knows that you need cookies immediately if you’ve had a bad day,” said Edmonton psychologist Andrea McTague

McTague said co-workers often develop close bonds as a way to deal with long hours spent away from home.

She admitted she has developed a co-dependent relationship with fellow psychologist Julie Curley, who she affectionately calls ‘Jules.’

“We’re definitely work spouses,” they both said in unison during a Monday morning interview on CBC radio show Edmonton AM.

Read more