Conditional Approval or Achievement-Based Worth
A relational pattern where care, attention, or acceptance were experienced as contingent on performance, success, or meeting external expectations. Approval may have been offered more consistently when the child achieved, behaved “well,” or avoided disappointment, and less available during struggle, rest, or emotional need. Over time, this can shape an internal rule that worth must be earned rather than assumed, leading to chronic self-monitoring, pressure to perform, and difficulty feeling valued without producing results.
“I Am a Burden”
You don’t ask for help—even when you need it. The belief “I Am A Burden” forms in environments…
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“I Am A Disappointment”
You work hard. You try to be what they need. But deep down, it still feels like you’ve…
“I Don’t Matter”
You show up for everyone—but no one really sees you. The belief “I Don’t Matter” is what takes…
“I Am Not Special”
You don’t stand out—and somewhere deep down, you believe you never will. The belief “I Am Not Special”…
“I Am Unacceptable”
When you believe “I Am Unacceptable,” even kindness feels conditional. You edit yourself constantly—hiding thoughts, traits, or behaviours…
“I Cannot Succeed”
You don’t just fear failure—you expect it. The belief “I Cannot Succeed” keeps you playing small, stuck in…
