Going Back to Love That Never Feels Safe
A cyclical relationship pattern where a person returns to an inconsistent or hurtful partner because love feels tied to worth, belonging, and safety. Over-giving, proving, and reassurance-seeking may briefly restore closeness, but they also deepen burnout and keep the return cycle alive.
Returning to a relationship that repeatedly leaves you hurt, uncertain, or emotionally unsafe can feel confusing and shame-filled. Part of you may see the pattern clearly, while another part keeps hoping that if you love better, stay calmer, give more, or ask for less, the connection will finally become steady. In this cycle, brief moments of warmth can feel disproportionately powerful because they seem to answer a deeper fear: that love has to be earned, protected, or held together by you. Over time, the relationship becomes tied not only to attachment, but to worth, belonging, and safety. You may over-function, absorb too much responsibility, burn out, leave, and then feel pulled back when tenderness or contact returns. What keeps the cycle going is often not simple denial, but a deeper belief that unreliable love is still better than losing the chance to matter.
This concern is not just about missing someone after a breakup. It describes a cyclical pattern in which emotionally unsafe love becomes hard to leave because the relationship has started doing more than relationship work: it has become a test of worth, a bid for belonging, and a way of regulating fear. In a codependency frame, the person often tries to stabilize the bond through proving, soothing, and reassurance-seeking. If the partner becomes distant, critical, or inconsistent, the response is not only sadness but urgency: fix it, calm it, earn it, keep it from ending. The result is a loop of over-giving, exhaustion, rupture, and return, where brief closeness can feel more convincing than the overall pattern.
The bond starts carrying identity weight
In this pattern, the relationship stops feeling like only a relationship and starts feeling like proof of whether you are lovable, chosen, or enough. That makes distance or criticism land as an identity wound, not just a relationship problem, and it creates strong pressure to restore closeness quickly.
Inconsistency can deepen the pull
When affection is unpredictable, the good moments can feel intensely meaningful. A kind text, apology, or tender night may seem to confirm that the relationship can still become safe. Because the relief is so strong, those moments can outweigh the overall pattern of instability and keep hope alive longer than the relationship deserves.
Over-functioning can feel protective
Trying harder often looks caring on the surface, but here it can also be a way to reduce panic. Fixing, soothing, apologizing first, or becoming easier to love may briefly calm the bond. The hidden cost is that responsibility keeps shifting toward you while reciprocity and boundaries erode.
Burnout does not automatically end the cycle
Many people reach a point of exhaustion, resentment, or collapse and finally leave. But once the immediate strain drops, remembered tenderness, renewed contact, or the relief of being wanted again can make returning feel emotionally urgent. A breakup can interrupt the pattern without yet changing the beliefs underneath it.
The core issue is safety in love
The central struggle is not simply wanting love. It is that love does not feel secure unless you are earning it, protecting it, or chasing it. Recovery often involves learning that steadiness, reciprocity, and respect are better measures of love than intensity, relief, or how hard you worked for it.
Inner statements
If I stop trying, they will pull away, and that will prove I was never enough.
People whose self-worth rises and falls with a partner's approval, mood, or criticism.
Maybe if I am calmer, more helpful, or less needy, the good version of this relationship will stay.
People who learned to earn closeness by adapting, performing, or carrying too much emotional responsibility.
Any sign of warmth means I still matter, so I should not give up yet.
People who feel especially pulled by inconsistent affection, mixed signals, or brief reconnection after rupture.
If I set firmer boundaries or leave, maybe I am the selfish one.
People who confuse self-sacrifice with loyalty and feel guilty when they stop over-functioning.
Common questions
Why do I keep going back when I know the relationship hurts me?
Because the pattern is usually doing more than keeping you attached to a person. It may also be regulating worth, belonging, and safety. When distance or inconsistency activates beliefs about not being enough, being responsible, or not mattering, going back can feel like the fastest way to reduce distress, even when you know the relationship is painful overall.
Is this love, attachment, or a pattern of trying to earn care?
Sometimes it can feel like all three at once. There may be real attachment and real feelings, but the concern becomes more specific when love starts to feel conditional on how much you prove, soothe, rescue, or tolerate. A useful question is not whether your feelings are real, but whether the relationship repeatedly requires self-erasure in order to feel connected.
Why do the good moments feel powerful enough to erase the bad ones?
When affection is inconsistent, brief closeness can bring intense relief. That relief can make a warm text, apology, or affectionate reunion feel bigger than it is because it temporarily settles fear and restores hope. The problem is that the nervous system starts chasing the relief, which can make the whole relationship seem more promising than the day-to-day reality supports.
Why is it so hard to stay away after a breakup?
A breakup may end contact for a while, but it does not automatically undo the deeper meanings attached to the relationship. If the bond has become linked to mattering, being chosen, or finally getting steady love, then renewed contact or remembered tenderness can reactivate the whole cycle. That is why insight may come before the ability to fully stay out.
In everyday life, this pattern often shows up less as one dramatic decision and more as a constant organizing around the relationship. You may monitor messages, tone, distance, and conflict for clues about where you stand. A lot of energy can go into repairing, anticipating, minimizing, or trying to be easier to love. Even when you know the relationship is draining, your mood, focus, and sense of self can keep getting pulled back into whether the bond feels warm, threatened, or about to slip away.
Over-giving and over-functioning
- Taking responsibility for your partner's moods, stress, or reactions
- Fixing problems before you are asked
- Apologizing quickly to restore peace even when responsibility is shared
- Giving more time, attention, or care after conflict
- Feeling compelled to keep the relationship stable no matter what it costs you
Worth tied to approval
- Feeling immediate relief when they are warm or attentive
- Feeling crushed when they pull back, go quiet, or seem disappointed
- Trying to be easier, better, calmer, or more useful to keep affection
- Treating their attention as proof that you matter
- Measuring your value by whether they choose you today
Threat monitoring and uncertainty
- Scanning texts, tone, or response time for signs of rejection
- Replaying conversations to figure out what you did wrong
- Expecting abandonment after conflict or emotional distance
- Reacting strongly to mixed signals or vague communication
- Feeling unable to settle until the bond feels restored
Burnout and collapse cycles
- Becoming exhausted from trying so hard to hold the relationship together
- Losing touch with your own needs, limits, or preferences
- Reaching a breaking point and ending or threatening to end the relationship
- Feeling pulled back when contact, tenderness, or remorse returns
- Swinging between clarity about the mistreatment and hope that things will finally change
Boundaries getting blurred
- Minimizing or explaining away treatment that hurts you
- Accepting small scraps of care as enough
- Staying silent about needs to avoid rocking the boat
- Confusing self-sacrifice with loyalty or love
- Taking on more emotional labor than the relationship can realistically return
Spillover into the rest of life
- Ruminating during work or school because your mind stays on the relationship
- Having trouble focusing on tasks when the bond feels uncertain
- Feeling emotionally volatile depending on how contact is going
- Having less energy for friends, routines, rest, or hobbies
- Pulling back from outside support when the relationship becomes consuming
When it tends to show up
This pattern often intensifies when the partner becomes distant, critical, inconsistent, dysregulated, or suddenly affectionate after a rupture. It can also spike when you are about to ask for more, consider leaving, or have been apart long enough for hope and longing to rise. Breakups, apologies, late-night contact, and brief tenderness can all reactivate the cycle because they feel like possible proof that the relationship is finally becoming safe.
From a codependency lens, Going Back to Love That Never Feels Safe is a pattern in which attachment gets fused with identity. The relationship becomes a place where worth, belonging, and safety are constantly tested. When the mapped beliefs around not being good enough, being responsible, and not mattering are active, inconsistency does not register as neutral. It can feel like evidence that you need to fix more, give more, or ask for less. That is why proving, soothing, and reassurance-seeking become so central. They are not random habits; they are strategies for reducing the fear of rejection and restoring connection. Because relief sometimes follows, the system learns that over-functioning works, even while the long-term result is exhaustion, blurred boundaries, and stronger attachment to unsafe love.
A common loop
Trigger
Distance, criticism, mixed signals, conflict, or a breakup cues the fear that love is slipping away.
Identity meaning
The moment gets interpreted through worth-based beliefs: I am not enough, I need to fix this, or my needs do not matter here.
Tension and vigilance
Anxiety, shame, urgency, and self-monitoring rise fast, and attention narrows toward saving the bond.
Proving and soothing
You over-give, reassure, apologize, rescue, explain, or become easier to love in order to restore closeness.
Brief relief
A warm message, reduced conflict, affection, or renewed contact brings powerful relief and hope.
Long-term reinforcement
Your own needs get sidelined, responsibility stays uneven, and more evidence accumulates that love must be earned.
Rupture and return
When the strain becomes too much, a breakup or collapse may happen, but remembered closeness or new contact can restart the cycle.
The nervous system in this pattern often behaves as if relational shifts are emergencies. Small changes in tone, response time, criticism, or distance can feel disproportionately high-stakes because the bond is tied to worth, belonging, and safety. That keeps the system scanning for danger, dismissal, and instability. Over-functioning can then feel regulating: taking action reduces helplessness for a moment, even if the action is self-erasing. This also helps explain why calm, steady care may initially feel unfamiliar or even flat compared with the intensity of relief after unpredictability. The goal is not to become less attached to people in general. It is to help the system stop confusing inconsistency, urgency, and chasing with love.
The beliefs shown in this tab are the mapped teaching beliefs most relevant to why unsafe love can still feel hard to leave. For this concern, the pull back is often strengthened when affection feels linked to being good enough, when keeping the relationship stable feels like your job, or when brief attention feels like proof that you matter. Those meanings can make inconsistent love feel precious, responsibility feel compulsory, and mistreatment easier to excuse. The belief rows themselves are rendered from the mapped specialty relationship rather than written into this concern page. The key point here is that returning is often less about weak boundaries alone and more about the deeper meanings the relationship has come to carry for identity, worth, and belonging.
Limiting Beliefs Commonly Linked with Codependency Therapy
These identity-level patterns frequently show up for clients seeking codependency therapy. Explore the beliefs to learn the “why” and how therapy can help you recondition them.
“I Am Responsible”
When you believe you're responsible for everyone, you don’t just lend a hand—you take on the full weight of others’ wellbeing. You anticipate needs before they’re spoken, fix…
Explore this belief
“I Am Not Good Enough”
“I’m Not Good Enough” isn’t just a negative thought — it’s a pattern formed by early experiences like criticism, neglect, or impossible expectations. This belief fuels perfectionism, people-pleasing,…
Explore this belief
“I Don’t Matter”
You show up for everyone—but no one really sees you. The belief “I Don’t Matter” is what takes root when your needs, voice, or presence were chronically dismissed.…
Explore this beliefWant to see how these fit into the bigger pattern map? Explore our full Limiting Belief Library to browse all core beliefs by schema domain and Lifetrap.
This pattern usually makes more sense when it is viewed as learned rather than irrational. People often enter unsafe relationships with older expectations about love, responsibility, and worth already in place. If care once felt conditional, if emotional labor was over-relied on, or if your own needs were repeatedly pushed to the side, an unstable bond can feel strangely familiar even when it hurts. That does not mean every story is the same, and it does not reduce the present relationship to one cause. It means the current cycle may be drawing on earlier lessons about what you must do to stay connected, be chosen, or keep closeness from disappearing. Understanding origins can reduce shame and widen choice.
“I Am Responsible”
Schema Domain: Other-Directedness
Lifetrap: Self-Sacrifice
Non-Nurturing Elements™ (Precursors)
“I Am Not Good Enough”
Schema Domain: Overvigilance & Inhibition
Lifetrap: Unrelenting Standards
Non-Nurturing Elements™ (Precursors)
“I Don’t Matter”
Schema Domain: Disconnection & Rejection
Lifetrap: Abandonment / Instability
Non-Nurturing Elements™ (Precursors)
This pattern tends to repeat because each return solves something briefly. When distance, criticism, or inconsistency activates old beliefs, tension rises fast. Proving, soothing, rescuing, or seeking reassurance can restore contact for a moment, which teaches the system that working harder is what keeps love alive. The relief is real, but temporary. The larger costs, like burnout, self-erasure, blurred boundaries, resentment, and more doubt about your worth, show up later. After rupture, even a small sign of warmth can feel like evidence that the relationship is finally becoming safe, and the cycle starts again. Understanding repetition here is not about blame. It is about seeing how short-term relief can keep a painful bond feeling necessary.
“I Am Responsible”
Evidence Pile
When this belief is active, the mind scans for ways outcomes, emotions, or situations could have been prevented or managed and interprets their occurrence as personal responsibility.
Show common “proof” items
- Others becoming upset, distressed, or dissatisfied in situations you were involved in
- Being the one who notices problems first or steps in to fix them
- Past experiences where you were expected to manage, stabilise, or compensate for others
- Situations where inaction feels as consequential as action
- Feeling relief only after taking control, intervening, or preventing potential issues
The nervous system stays on alert for potential problems, emotional shifts, or instability, assuming it must intervene to prevent harm, conflict, or failure.
Show common signals
- Chronic sense of being “on duty” or unable to fully relax
- Feeling responsible for others’ emotions, outcomes, or reactions
- Difficulty letting go, delegating, or trusting things to unfold
- Immediate self-blame when something goes wrong
- Guilt or anxiety when resting, enjoying oneself, or saying no
- Hyper-attunement to early signs of conflict or disappointment
Relief comes from over-functioning—anticipating needs, managing outcomes, and absorbing responsibility before others can be hurt or things fall apart.
Show Opt-Out patterns
- Over-helping, fixing, or taking charge without being asked
- Emotional caretaking or mediating between people
- Perfectionism framed as "being reliable"
- Avoiding rest, play, or dependency on others
- Taking blame quickly to stabilize situations or reduce tension
“I Am Not Good Enough”
Evidence Pile
When this belief is active, the mind tends to scan for signs of inadequacy, mistakes, or perceived shortcomings, using them as evidence of personal deficiency.
Show common “proof” items
- Noticing mistakes, imperfections, or areas of struggle more than successes
- Interpreting criticism, feedback, or silence as confirmation of inadequacy
- Comparing abilities, confidence, or outcomes to others and coming up short
- Feeling behind others in competence, confidence, or emotional resilience
- Remembering past failures or embarrassing moments vividly
The nervous system stays oriented toward evaluation and self-monitoring, treating performance, approval, or outcomes as constant tests of worth.
Show common signals
- Persistent self-evaluation or internal comparison to standards or others
- Heightened sensitivity to feedback, mistakes, or perceived criticism
- Difficulty feeling settled after success or reassurance
- Interpreting effort or struggle as evidence of inadequacy
- Feeling exposed, fragile, or “found out” despite competence
Relief comes from striving, improving, or proving worth—temporarily easing discomfort while reinforcing the sense that adequacy must be earned.
Show Opt-Out patterns
- Overpreparing, overworking, or perfectionistic effort
- Seeking reassurance, validation, or external approval
- Avoiding situations where performance might be judged
- Self-criticism used as motivation ("pushing myself harder")
- Difficulty receiving praise without discounting it
“I Don’t Matter”
Evidence Pile
When this belief is active, the mind tends to track signs of invisibility, neglect, or low priority, interpreting them as evidence that one’s presence, needs, or impact do not truly matter.
Show common “proof” items
- Being interrupted, overlooked, or spoken over in conversations
- Messages, calls, or bids for connection going unanswered or delayed
- Not being checked in on unless you initiate
- Others making decisions without considering your input or preferences
- Feeling easily replaceable at work, in relationships, or in groups
The nervous system stays oriented toward invisibility and relational uncertainty, scanning for signs of dismissal, irrelevance, or disconnection.
Show common signals
- Feeling easily overlooked, dismissed, or deprioritized in interactions
- Monitoring others’ responsiveness, tone, or availability for signs of disengagement
- Minimizing personal needs, opinions, or preferences to avoid burdening others
- Difficulty feeling secure in relationships without consistent reassurance
- Interpreting neutral delays or distance as evidence of unimportance
Relief comes from attempts to secure attention, usefulness, or significance—momentarily easing disconnection while reinforcing the need to earn mattering.
Show Opt-Out patterns
- Overgiving, people-pleasing, or prioritizing others’ needs over one’s own
- Becoming highly attuned to others’ emotions or expectations
- Withdrawing, going quiet, or self-erasing when connection feels uncertain
- Seeking validation through productivity, usefulness, or emotional caretaking
- Avoiding expressing needs for fear they won’t be met or valued
Therapy for this concern usually focuses on understanding the return cycle, not judging it. The work is often about reducing the pull of unsafe love by addressing the beliefs, over-functioning patterns, and nervous-system urgency that make inconsistency feel compelling. Change tends to involve both present-day relationship decisions and older learning about worth, responsibility, and what love is supposed to feel like.
What therapy often focuses on
Mapping the return cycle clearly
Therapy may help you name the pattern in concrete steps: what triggers the pull, what meaning you make of it, what you do next, what relief follows, and what cost comes later. Seeing the cycle clearly can reduce confusion and self-blame.
Working with worth-based beliefs
Treatment often explores the beliefs that make love feel earned, responsibility feel compulsory, or your needs feel secondary. The aim is not to argue with your feelings, but to loosen the identity conclusions that keep unsafe love feeling necessary.
Rebalancing responsibility and reciprocity
A major focus can be learning what is actually yours to manage in a relationship and what is not. This often includes boundary work, shared-responsibility thinking, and noticing when caring turns into compulsive over-functioning.
Building tolerance for uncertainty without chasing
Because proving and reassurance-seeking can bring short-term relief, therapy may help you pause before contacting, fixing, rescuing, or over-explaining. Over time, this can increase your capacity to feel uncertainty without reorganizing yourself around it.
Processing older relational learning
The work may also address earlier experiences that linked care with performance, usefulness, or self-sacrifice. Understanding those older lessons can make the current pull less mysterious and open up different ways of relating.
Learning to recognize steadiness as care
If intensity and relief have come to feel like love, calmer relationships may seem underwhelming at first. Therapy can help you tell the difference between intermittent reward and genuine consistency, safety, and reciprocity.
What to expect
Start with non-shaming awareness
Early work may focus on noticing the cycle without shaming it. Many people can describe the pattern intellectually before they can interrupt it in real time, so the first step is often learning to track it more honestly and specifically.
Practice pauses and boundaries
As old relief strategies are reduced, anxiety, grief, or doubt may temporarily rise. Therapy often includes practicing pauses before contact, strengthening boundaries, and tolerating the discomfort that appears when you stop immediately fixing or chasing.
Work with deeper beliefs and grief
Therapy may involve both present-day relationship choices and the older learning that made this dynamic feel normal, necessary, or familiar. That can include grieving what you hoped this relationship would become, not just deciding what to do next.
Build consistency over time
Progress is often uneven. People may notice the pull sooner, recover faster after setbacks, and make more reality-based decisions before the cycle fully loses intensity. The goal is gradual stability, not instant detachment or perfect certainty.
Change usually looks less like instantly losing feelings and more like gaining steadiness, clarity, and choice. You may still feel the pull toward the relationship at times, but the pull becomes easier to name, tolerate, and respond to differently. Improvement often shows up as less urgency, clearer boundaries, more honest appraisal of the relationship, and a self-worth that is less dependent on being chosen. The goal is not emotional numbness or perfect certainty. It is being able to notice unsafe love without automatically reorganizing yourself around it, and being better able to choose reciprocity, consistency, and self-respect over short bursts of relief.
Common markers of change
Response to distance
Before: A delayed text or colder tone immediately triggers panic, overthinking, or chasing.
After: You can notice the trigger, slow down, and respond with more choice instead of automatic pursuit.
Reading the relationship clearly
Before: A brief good moment quickly cancels out mistreatment in your mind.
After: You can hold the full pattern in view and judge the relationship by consistency, not isolated tenderness.
Decision-making
Before: Choices are driven mostly by hope, guilt, fear of losing the bond, or how much you have already invested.
After: Choices are guided more by reciprocity, safety, respect, and whether change is actually consistent.
Self-worth
Before: Your sense of value rises and falls almost entirely with their attention, approval, or responsiveness.
After: Your worth feels more stable and less dependent on being chosen, reassured, or needed.
Boundaries and responsibility
Before: You routinely take on their moods, problems, and the task of keeping the relationship okay.
After: You have clearer limits around what is yours to care about and what is not yours to carry.
After rupture
Before: Brief reconnection after a breakup feels like proof that everything can work if you just try harder.
After: You are better able to pause, assess real evidence of change, and stay out of cycles that remain unsafe.
Skills therapy may support
Pattern recognition
Noticing the sequence of trigger, meaning, reaction, relief, and cost before the cycle fully takes over.
Boundary setting
Saying what you will and will not keep participating in without immediately softening it to preserve closeness.
Tolerating uncertainty and distance
Letting a pause, delayed response, or unresolved conversation exist without rushing to fix it right away.
Self-validation
Reminding yourself that your needs, hurt, and perceptions count even when someone else is inconsistent or dismissive.
Asking directly for needs
Naming what you need in plain language instead of hinting, over-giving, or hoping your effort will be noticed.
Discerning consistency from intensity
Paying more attention to repeated behavior over time than to apologies, chemistry, or short bursts of closeness.
Shared-responsibility thinking
Separating your role from the other person's role so the whole relationship no longer depends on your over-functioning.
Next steps
Track the cycle in concrete terms
Write down one recent episode using four parts: what triggered you, what meaning you made of it, what you did next, and what relief or cost followed. This can help separate the momentary pull from the bigger repeating pattern.
Return one piece of responsibility
Choose one recurring place where you take on too much emotional or relational labor. Practice handing that piece back to the other person rather than automatically fixing, soothing, or managing it for them.
Use outside reality support
Talk with a therapist or trusted person who can help you hold the full pattern in view. Isolation can make brief warmth feel like the whole story, while outside support can help you remember the longer-term cost.
Pause before reconnecting after rupture
If you are considering contact after a breakup, slow the process down. Try to separate longing, guilt, relief, and fear from actual evidence of change, reciprocity, and safety in the relationship.
Check for consistency, not just warmth
Notice whether care is steady and mutual or whether it mainly appears after distance, withdrawal, conflict, or over-giving from you. This can help you evaluate the relationship by pattern rather than by a single reassuring moment.
Ways to get support
Work With a ShiftGrit Therapist
The returning is not a willpower problem. It runs on a belief about whether love has to be earned. Get matched with a therapist who works with that belief at the root.
How ShiftGrit Approaches Codependency
See how the codependency work addresses over-giving, earning love, and the pull back to relationships that never feel safe.
The Investment Model of Commitment
Foundational research on how satisfaction, investment, and perceived alternatives keep people committed to a relationship even when it is unsatisfying.
Rejection Sensitivity in Relationships
Research on how anxious expectations of rejection shape behaviour in close relationships and can drive cycles of rupture and return.
Questions
Do I need to leave the relationship before therapy can help?
Not necessarily. Therapy can still be useful if you are unsure, still in contact, or still going back. The first goal is often understanding the cycle clearly enough that your decisions become less driven by panic, guilt, or brief relief and more driven by what is actually happening in the relationship.
What if I know it is unhealthy but still miss them intensely?
Missing them does not automatically mean the relationship is good for you. Intense longing can reflect attachment, habit, intermittent relief, grief, and the meanings the relationship carries about worth or being chosen. Therapy can help you make room for the intensity without treating the feeling itself as proof that returning is the right move.
How do I tell whether I love them or I am attached to the cycle?
A helpful question is whether the relationship can hold honesty, reciprocity, and safety without you over-functioning to create them. Real attachment and real care may be present, but if the bond depends on proving, rescuing, chasing, or tolerating repeated mistreatment, then attachment to the cycle may be carrying more of the relationship than love alone.
What if setting boundaries makes me feel selfish or cruel?
That reaction is common when your system is used to equating love with self-sacrifice. Guilt does not always mean you are doing something wrong; sometimes it means you are doing something unfamiliar. Therapy can help you sort out healthy responsibility from compulsive responsibility so boundaries feel less like abandonment and more like honesty.
Can therapy help if I keep going back after every breakup?
Yes. Many people recognize the pattern before they can fully interrupt it. The work is often about reducing shame, understanding what happens before the return, and building the capacity to tolerate the feelings that come up when you do not immediately reconnect. Repetition does not mean change is impossible.
What if the good moments feel more real than the bad ones?
That can happen when brief closeness brings strong relief and hope. The nervous system may latch onto those moments because they temporarily quiet fear and restore a sense of connection. Therapy can help you hold both truths at once: the good moments may feel real, and the overall pattern may still be unsafe or deeply costly.
How do I rebuild worth when so much of it has been tied to being chosen?
Usually by slowly shifting worth away from a partner's attention and back toward a more stable internal base. That can include noticing identity conclusions, practicing self-validation, setting limits, telling the truth about what the relationship costs, and learning to let consistency, reciprocity, and self-respect matter more than whether someone temporarily reaches back toward you.
Read more about Codependency
Continue reading our clinical overview of Codependency — what it is, common signs, contributing factors, treatment paths, and how therapy can help.
