Understanding Parenting Through a Psychological Lens

In this episode of The Show, host Andrea McTague, founder of ShiftGrit, sits down with Registered Psychologist Sharilyn Theriault to explore the complexities of parenting young children. Drawing from years of clinical experience and personal parenting journeys, Andrea and Sharilyn dive into common struggles, behavioural challenges, and effective parenting strategies for toddlers backed by psychology.

From managing tantrums in the grocery store to fostering emotional resilience, this discussion breaks down the science of raising confident, emotionally secure children—while also acknowledging the very real challenges that parents face daily.

Key Takeaways on Effective Parenting

1. Children Thrive When Parents Thrive

One of the biggest insights Sharilyn shares is that kids do well when their parents do well. If a parent is overwhelmed, exhausted, or emotionally drained, it directly affects their child’s ability to regulate emotions and behaviours.

Actionable Tip:
Prioritize your mental well-being through self-care, therapy, or mindfulness practices. A regulated parent is better equipped to handle a dysregulated child.

2. The Grocery Store Tantrum – Understanding the Power Struggle

One of the most common and dreaded parenting moments: the full-blown meltdown in public. Sharilyn explains that during these moments, parents often fall into three common thought traps:

• “I’m being judged.”
• “I’m powerless.”
• “My child is disrespecting me.”

These negative beliefs can lead parents to either give in to the tantrum (buy the candy to stop the meltdown) or overcorrect with excessive firmness (resulting in a battle of wills).

Psychological Hack:
Instead of reacting emotionally, recognize tantrums as a child’s attempt to express needs or emotions they don’t yet have the words for. Responding with calm consistency instead of panic or frustration helps break the cycle over time.

3. Co-Regulation: The Secret to Calming Kids

Sharilyn highlights the importance of co-regulation, the process by which children mirror their parents’ emotions. If a parent is anxious or angry, a child picks up on that energy and escalates their behavior.

Try This:
If your child is distressed, focus on your emotional state first instead of immediately correcting behaviour. Take a deep breath, regulate your response, and then help guide them through their emotions.

The Three C’s of Parenting: A Framework for Success

Sharilyn shares her Three C’s of Parenting, a simple yet powerful framework based on neuroscience and attachment theory.

1. Calm

Before addressing a behavioural issue, ensure you are calm. If necessary, take a break, swap in a partner, or use a neutral time-out strategy for yourself before engaging with your child.

2. Connection

Once you’re calm, connect with your child emotionally. Use empathetic statements like:
✔️ “I know it’s really hard to stop watching your show. It’s fun, and you don’t want bedtime to start yet.”

This shows them you understand their emotions before you enforce the rule.

3. Correction

Only after establishing calm and connection do you introduce correction. This may involve consequences, changes to routines, or reinforcing expectations, but it lands much better when a child feels heard first.

Example Scenario:
❌ I told you to turn off the TV! That’s it, no more shows for a week! (Leads to power struggles and resistance.)
✅ I know stopping is hard, but we have a bedtime routine to follow. Let’s take a picture of your show so you remember where you left off, and we can watch more tomorrow. (Validates emotions while reinforcing boundaries.)

Building Independence & Resilience in Kids

1. Scaffolding: Teaching Skills in Stages

Andrea and Sharilyn discuss scaffolding, the process of breaking big tasks into smaller, achievable steps. This technique is widely used in parenting and child psychology to help kids build skills without becoming overwhelmed.

???? Example: Learning to put on shoes
1️⃣ First, have them pick their shoes (giving autonomy).
2️⃣ Next, show them how to slide their foot in.
3️⃣ Later, introduce tying laces step by step.
4️⃣ Finally, let them practice and reinforce progress rather than perfection.

Scaffolding allows children to develop confidence, rather than feeling defeated by big tasks all at once.

2. The Power of Letting Kids Try (and Fail!)

Many parents step in too quickly to prevent frustration, but in doing so, they inadvertently send the message: “You’re not capable.”

Allowing a child to struggle (within reason) builds resilience and self-efficacy, setting them up for long-term success.

Mindset Shift:
Instead of thinking, “I don’t want them to be frustrated,” reframe it as “Struggle is part of learning.”

The Science of Sleep: Setting Kids Up for Success

Both Andrea and Sharilyn emphasize the critical role of sleep in parenting success. Sleep-deprived children (and parents) are more emotionally reactive, less resilient, and more prone to behavioural issues.

Tips for Better Sleep:

✔️ Establish a bedtime routine – Keep it simple, consistent, and predictable.
✔️ Use cues – A wind-up music box, a bedtime story, or a specific phrase can signal it’s time to sleep.
✔️ Set boundaries – Once bedtime starts, avoid engaging in extra requests that prolong sleep.

By setting up predictable bedtime cues, kids transition more smoothly into sleep, reducing power struggles and nighttime disruptions.

Final Thoughts: Parenting Is a Journey, Not a Destination

Raising children is an evolving process, and there’s no such thing as perfect parenting. The best thing you can do is approach it with intentionality, consistency, and a willingness to learn and adapt.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed, remember:
✔️ Perfection isn’t the goal—intentionality is.
✔️ Your child will mirror your regulation, so start with yourself.
✔️ Small daily efforts lead to big, long-term results.

???? Want to hear more insights from Sharilyn? Be sure to listen to the full episode for deeper discussions on parenting strategies, emotional resilience, and real-life examples.